In previous blog posts we have discussed the importance of having a plan for holidays and vacations after you get divorced. One of the major benefits of having a plan is that it cuts down on the stress. Life is easier when everyone knows what is expected and who is spending which holidays with whom and where they are going to be.
Any time you can alleviate stress from a situation, you are going to be better off. The relationship with your ex-spouse is most likely strained already, so removing the uncertainty by having a plan is the best way to go.
Alleviating stress is a good thing to do even before you make the final decision as to whether you are going to seek a divorce. January is known as being an extremely busy time in the area of divorce law because so many people use the holidays as their last chance to turn things around before they make that final decision.
The holiday season is a stressful time of the year for many people under the best of circumstances. People are stressed because they must clean the house so they can have guests over. The cost of the gifts seems to go up every year and most of that is going on credit. Having to see that crazy Uncle who likes to scream about politics and yell at the TV during football games is also a source of stress. Then there are your parents who are wondering aloud why they don’t have more grandkids or why you are still married to that deadbeat, or worse, both at the same time.
There is enough to worry about during a time of year that is supposed to be about family, love, and peace. If you are saying, either to yourself or to your spouse, that this holiday season is the last chance to turn things around you are just adding additional weight to an already overburdened situation. If you are calling this your last chance, more than likely you have already come to the inevitable conclusion that your marriage is over.
As we mentioned, life is already stressful, and making the decision to end your marriage is a big decision with its own stress. For many people, making that decision than facing their family and friends is an unbearable thought. Since the holidays are about family, many people feel as if they owe it to their spouse to use this time of year to try to make things work.
If things are going to work, they will work whether you try to make them work or not. If you have already made the decision that you are better off getting divorced, then you are putting undue pressure on yourself to be someone you already know you are not. If your concern is facing your family, the truth is they probably already know that this is coming.
In most cases, when people say they want to give the marriage one last chance the truth is that they cannot admit that their marriage is coming to an end. There is a period of mourning or denial.
Regardless of what it is, here are some holiday tips to make December less stressful: Don’t worry about polishing the good silver. Cut back on the number of gifts you buy. Set ground rules regarding discussing politics, and most importantly, enjoy your holidays. There is no reason to put some artificial deadline on a marriage and cause more stress and aggravation for you and your soon to be ex-spouse.
When you are ready to make the call, our office is ready to schedule your free consultation. Call the Law Office of Anthony LoPresti at 516-252-0223.